I Don't Want to Miss You
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: Before Ryan leaves for Chino, he makes a promise to Marissa.


Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. This story was inspired by the song "No Place That Far" by Sara Evans, so any reference to that song don't belong to me either.

A/N: It's kind of interesting how my longer _O.C. _story "Hero" is doing so well but the first short story I wrote hasn't gotten any reviews at all. I'm interested to see if this story will get any reviews. It's set during the scene when Ryan and Theresa are leaving New Port and all that. So please enjoy and review.

Ryan Atwood hadn't planned on seeing Marissa Cooper again before he left for Chino, but there she was, standing on the end of the driveway of her mother's old house, surrounded by suitcases and boxes, a stony expression on her face. His heart lurched the sound he saw her and he knew that she had felt a similar emotion, judging by the expression that crossed her face the second their eyes met. There was nothing but complete sadness lurking behind her eyes and it killed Ryan to know that he was the cause of that pain.

Theresa looked over at him, looking just a miserable as he felt inside; she didn't want him to come with her, she had begged him to stay, to have the life that they had always wanted but he couldn't be persuaded. But she wasn't exactly surprised; Ryan was the only guy from Chino that actually believed in doing the right thing. "You could stay, Ryan, I'll understand." Theresa said, her words finally causing him to look away.

"No, I can't stay." Ryan mumbled. He had a responsibility now, he was going to be a father and he wasn't going to let his kid grow up without a father and end up the way he had. "But there's something I have to do first." He surprised himself by saying those words but as soon as he spoke he knew he was right; there was something he had to do.

Ryan unbuckled his seatbelt and had the door open before Theresa even had the chance to hit the breaks. Marissa's eyes went wide as she watched him all but jump out of the car and come jogging back to where she was standing; her heart suddenly started beating hard in her chest. Was he staying? Was he staying with her?

When Ryan finally joined her on the driveway, they stared at each other for a long time before she finally found the ability to speak. "Ryan, what are you doing?" Marissa questioned, forcing herself to keep her hopes from rising too high. This could just be his final 'goodbye', he could still be going to Chino.

"There's something I have to tell you." Ryan answered, continuing before he could stop himself. "I love you Marissa and I know that saying those words now isn't going to help either of us. But it's true, I love you and I always have, always remember that." He took both her hands in his and held them tightly.

Marissa felt her eyes well up with tears; she was suddenly angry at him for jerking her heart out of her chest by telling her the words she had always wanted to hear seconds before he was going to leave her life forever. How could he do that and think everything was going to be all right. "Ryan...I don't know what you want me to say." She sniffed, looking away from him so he wouldn't see her tears.

A part of Ryan was hurt by her words. "You don't have to say anything." He assured her. "Just listen. Just because I'm leaving now doesn't mean that it's going to be forever, I promise you that."

Marissa was surprised by his words. "Ryan, Theresa is having a baby." She said, feeling as though she was reminding him of this fact that had changed all of their lives. "That _is _forever. You're leaving to be with her and I'm staying here, that's all there is to it." There was no sense in turning this into something it wasn't, no use in setting herself up to get her heart broken even worse later on. He was leaving her, end of story.

Now Ryan's hurt at her words showed on his face. "No, Marissa, I'm not leaving to be with her. I love _you_. I'm leaving because I have to, it's the right thing to do."

Marissa pursed her lips. "I don't understand why you always have to do the right thing." She muttered. "I tried to understand, I tried to be okay with you leaving but I'm not, I am the farthest thing from okay." She looked back at him again, not caring whether or not he saw the tears in her eyes now.

Ryan tried to think of something to say but nothing would come out of his mouth; he didn't understand why he always had to do the right thing either. Maybe it was because no one he had ever known made it a practice to do what was right and he didn't want his child to grow up like that. But he didn't expect Marissa to understand that, he wasn't even sure he understood it all of the time either.

"Some things are just complicated." Ryan muttered instead and Marissa looked at him, hurt and a little surprised.

"You're leaving, you're breaking my heart and the only reason you can give me is because it's complicated?" She repeated, incredulously, ignoring the way Ryan looked as she spoke.

Ryan was silent and suddenly, Marissa was too, keeping herself from saying anymore. She had seen that this was just as hard for him, if not harder, as it was for everyone else but she pretended like she didn't. Why was she hurting him just because she felt like he was dying inside? He was a great guy, the first man she had really loved and he didn't deserve to have her hurt him like that.

Marissa chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. "I'm sorry Ryan." She mumbled, looking down at her feet.

Ryan put his hand on her cheek and she looked up at him again, wishing things could always be this way; would he ever touch her like that again? So gently and lovingly; would they ever get the chance to be together? "Chino's not that far." He muttered, though it didn't seem like much to either of them right now. "And I'll always before here for you, no matter what. If you need me, I'll be here." He promised.

Marissa put her hand on top of his, looking to deep into his eyes. "I need you now." She muttered. "But Theresa needs you more."

Ryan didn't know what to say and for a moment, he almost changed his mind about leaving New Port and everyone that he loved. He couldn't imagine a day going by without Seth's humor to always make him smile, or Summer to insult him without actually making her words seem like an insult; he couldn't imagine leaving Kirsten and Sandy, the first real family he'd ever had, the first people to really care about him. But, most of all, he couldn't imagine waking up every morning and not being able to see Marissa, not being able to see her smile, or hear her laugh or just be around her. What sort of life would it be without her?

Swallowing back tears, Ryan pulled Marissa into his arms and held her like he never wanted to be without her, which was the truth. "I'm going to miss you so much." He whispered and he felt her grip on him tighten as she pressed her face against his chest. "I love you Marissa Cooper."

Marissa pulled away from him, no longer bothering to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please, don't say that. I don't want to miss you." She said, voice almost inaudible. "I don't want you to go."

Ryan wiped her tears away. "I know you don't believe me, but I won't be gone forever." He promised again. "I'll find a way to be with you again."

Marissa nodded, wanting more then anything in her life to believe him. She couldn't speak anymore, couldn't even find the words to explain what she was feeling. So, instead she nodded again.

Ryan gave her a light kiss on the cheek and repeated, "I love you." He squeezed her hand one last time before turning away and heading slowly back to Theresa's car. He didn't look back, didn't trust himself to see her again.

Marissa watched him go, watched him climb into the passenger side of the car and pull his seatbelt across his chest. Only then did it occur to her that she hadn't told him that she loved him. "Wait!" She called, heading toward the car but it was too late, the car was already growing smaller and smaller in the distance. "Wait." She stopped running and stood, watching until the car had vanished.

Why hadn't she told him? Why hadn't she said the words that she had known all along. Alone, on the street in front of an empty house and one that felt empty, Marissa Cooper whispered, "I love you too Ryan Atwood."


End file.
